Thanks, Paulette. I was in the middle of writing a post about activism, community and meaning, and was thinking about the generational connection between activists at the time.
Apologies to the owner of this thread for posting a link to my post. I'm not that good at navigating Substack, and wasn't sure how to tag. Paulette, thanks for your comment.
Dear DM, Oh, how I love this piece! Yes, there is a price for authenticity, as I have also found. We are separated by years but not in essential likeness. Connection is more important to me than what some call being in companionship. I wish I were one of the people you directly greet at a coffee house or anywhere. It would be my pleasure to know you. About me and what now features in my curiosity, I am intrigued about the subject of Power, Power of the individual and/or of systems of government. If you know of any good books or authors on it, please let me know. I have formulated some thoughts of my own along the lines of personal Power and would be happy to share. Most probably they are not original, but when any thought occurs in the human mind, it seems to be for the first time. About people fleeing, it is probably for the reasons you have cited and several more. I have found that people are easily intimidated by intellectual ability, and there seems to be a fight or flight reaction from them. Don't worry. You are just fine.
Hi, thank you for the invitation to talk. I am not extensively informed about the I Ching but I am sure it is foundational with regard to the perils of power. My main concern has been about personal power, or empowerment of the self. It feels as though it may be the only thing any of us may have left through time and circumstances. How does it work, how and where do we find it, how do we use it and when do we KNOW we have it? Knowing seems to be one intuitive aspect of mind that is easily obtained as a kind of truth. The question is, knowing exactly what? I begin with the first of three fundamental concepts: Survival, Pro generation and Control. Is it possible that any one of these can be disproven as a fundamental of our existence? Not to digress, but recent research by a team headed by Michael Levin theorizes that biology has and uses something historically referred to as "will" in making life work as we know it. He terms it as "intention" or "competency" that evidences as homeostasis or survival. A physicist has proposed a new law of physics or natural law: Constructal Law. He is Adriene Bejar and has developed mathematics to prove and predict outcomes that are involved in patterning in life and naturally observed phenomena . Together they seem to point to Survival as a "power" of being. Discussion of the remaining two aspects can be difficult but I am still learning and thinking. At last, my main concern is to know and have personal power to remain sane and wholesome throughout the perils of such economic and political life as we are now witnessing at present. Love and Regards.
Many people go through life not feeling that they are hiding anything particular, that they are more or less “authentic” in all of their interactions.
In all likelihood, they *are* being authentic.
But for some of us, being our authentic selves involves, inadvertently, making others uncomfortable, and so it is riskier or more costly for us to be authentic.
So it is. Nobody ever promised us that being authentic would make us broadly palatable to the wider world. We express ourselves in this way because we cannot be any other way, and how we feel about what the world makes of us ought to be understood in this context.
If we are made uncomfortable because others find us uncomfortable, that is primarily our own cross to bear, our own issue to cope with—just as it is for everyone else, even if others feel it less acutely.
Who ever said that being our authentic selves would gain us acceptance in the world?
Dude, my late friend Val who was, among many other things, a bike mechanic, had a business card made up that simply said VAL KLIETZ, INSTIGATOR. I think that's what folks like you and Val and me do, we instigate interaction and action of some form. We're a reminder that things are always changing and no one has it all figured out. And I think a lot of folks find that initially interesting but also kind of terrifying. Us mellow guys scare the hell out of some folks.
I can relate to a lot of what you wrote. Not everyone appreciate intensity or depth. Most people just aren’t prepared to them relating to others authentically. Sometimes, they get scared because they’re not used to that way of being with another person. People tend to have a lot of defenses. If you threaten that, even unintentionally, I find some will back off! They also don’t understand the inquisitiveness or the genuine curiosity about other people and what makes them tick.
I’ve been told I’m ‘different’ my entire life. I’ve had to learned to accept that it’s okay to be different. Not everyone has to understand.
19 Signs You Have an Intense Personality (+ Why it’s a Gift!)
You sound like more of an extrovert than myself who probably had your fair share of fascinating conversations with other people. I can only imagine! That sounds great! I’m sure people really enjoy connecting with you IRL as you come across as a warm and original person.
Back a long time ago we had no ice rinks in South Florida, but we did have roller skating rinks. Some of the devotees found pleasure in intricate footwork, dancing, and just generally being graceful. Others zipped around, finally unburdened from the limitation of advancing just two or three feet per step. Some aspired to be in either or both of the expert categories. And still others fell down frequently. Fortunately, I never permanently hurt myself. I imagine ice skating is much the same, with, perhaps, an additional aspect of just gliding contemplatively. I suspect that you enjoy all the modes, and maybe others I don't know of; with the exception of tumble mode--I think it would be hard to enjoy ice skating if that was the typical result.
HA! I loved roller skating as a kid. And then I played hockey and discovered how to ice skate. ⛸️ Being in a rink hearing my blades navigate the ice is for me the ultimate flow state.
Hockey! Of course. It should have occurred to me. So, with that, and with short-track speed skating, I guess tumble mode IS an attraction for some. There are more ways of forging close connections than deep thoughts deep into evening over deep cups. A sharp pruning saw on an inconvenient tree branch, when all the angles are just right, can produce a cadence not unlike sharp skate blades on fresh ice.
Or body checks into the boards! Now THAT’s close connection.
I enjoyed reading your comment above about the rinks in South Florida, Jackson. I’m no fan of tumble mode either—if I were meant to skate, I’m assuming I would have been born with wheels or blades on my feet.
I just read Nan Tepper's essay from today titles "The New Kid on the Block" and about not fitting in, then and now. Your piece has a similar theme that I relate to. Several years ago in conversation with a friend I remember blurting, "I have zero tolerance for bull shit and unless people are willing and capable of going deep, not my people." I've learned it's simply who I am. And the older I get the more of myself I'm able to claim.
I agree that most people aren’t ready for deep connection, especially with someone they just met. We are conditioned for the small talk and surface level connection as you so eloquently discuss, Diamond-Michael, and when you live from your soul and seek to connect with others on that level it can be frightening to those that are disconnected from their soul. Ahhh, how I wish there were coffee shops here in the Jamaican countryside where I might bump into souls like yours looking to connect more deeply than the weather and my story of how I got here. I see you, Diamond-Michael, and one of these days I hope the universe has in mind for us to meet in person and hold a reasoning as they say here in Jamaica. A deep bow of solidarity to you 🙏🩵
I resonate with much of this. I too crave depth, but most take refuge in the small talk. It’s a protective barrier because people don’t want to be challenged or walk into unknown territory. That takes precious energy that our brains want to conserve. Much easier to stay on autopilot. But in the words of Elizabeth Gilbert, if you’re not brave, your life will be smaller than you ever imagined. Keep being you. People need your help. I and your other kindreds appreciate you. ♥️
Dear DM, I had bookmarked your article to read it at a comfortable time and I am so glad I did now!
I loved your approach on asking the 4 questions even to strangers. What a great way conversation starter! Intent willing, it can almost invite 2 people to exchange thoughts for hours :-D
I also understand why it can be uncomfortable for many because it can push one to think beyond the humdrum of compliance that many of us resort to in our lives. Both people need to have done the level of reflective inner work to not feel threatened by the questions and share as way to express/learn from each other.
I wish you continue with the thought-provoking questions. In some corner of the world, it did invite me to ponder too :-) I wish you success on the path of meaningful and authentic connections!
The price of authenticity...
I suffer mine as well, although I'm more introvert and appreciate deep connection.
And sometimes the deep connection I feel is with ancestors, descendants, community, furry friends and a few good friends.
Writing helps me a lot, and I feel a connection with other writers here on Substack. Do you find it helps you?
Most definitely. Writing keeps me in the rhythmic flow of humanity for sure.
It’s fine with me Diana. Sharing is caring.
Oh, thanks. I feel much better. It felt like I committed a bit of a boundary violation.
I appreciate, Diana, your mention of connection with your ancestors. That's so important and often over-looked.
Thanks, Paulette. I was in the middle of writing a post about activism, community and meaning, and was thinking about the generational connection between activists at the time.
You too are so kind
Ah, thanks.
Please tag me when you post it, I'd love to read it.
https://dianavaneyk.substack.com/p/activism-community-and-meaning
I just read it and commented. Thank you for sharing.
Apologies to the owner of this thread for posting a link to my post. I'm not that good at navigating Substack, and wasn't sure how to tag. Paulette, thanks for your comment.
Dear DM, Oh, how I love this piece! Yes, there is a price for authenticity, as I have also found. We are separated by years but not in essential likeness. Connection is more important to me than what some call being in companionship. I wish I were one of the people you directly greet at a coffee house or anywhere. It would be my pleasure to know you. About me and what now features in my curiosity, I am intrigued about the subject of Power, Power of the individual and/or of systems of government. If you know of any good books or authors on it, please let me know. I have formulated some thoughts of my own along the lines of personal Power and would be happy to share. Most probably they are not original, but when any thought occurs in the human mind, it seems to be for the first time. About people fleeing, it is probably for the reasons you have cited and several more. I have found that people are easily intimidated by intellectual ability, and there seems to be a fight or flight reaction from them. Don't worry. You are just fine.
We should talk Oma. Very interesting. I was reading some I Ching commentary today about the perils of power.
Hi, thank you for the invitation to talk. I am not extensively informed about the I Ching but I am sure it is foundational with regard to the perils of power. My main concern has been about personal power, or empowerment of the self. It feels as though it may be the only thing any of us may have left through time and circumstances. How does it work, how and where do we find it, how do we use it and when do we KNOW we have it? Knowing seems to be one intuitive aspect of mind that is easily obtained as a kind of truth. The question is, knowing exactly what? I begin with the first of three fundamental concepts: Survival, Pro generation and Control. Is it possible that any one of these can be disproven as a fundamental of our existence? Not to digress, but recent research by a team headed by Michael Levin theorizes that biology has and uses something historically referred to as "will" in making life work as we know it. He terms it as "intention" or "competency" that evidences as homeostasis or survival. A physicist has proposed a new law of physics or natural law: Constructal Law. He is Adriene Bejar and has developed mathematics to prove and predict outcomes that are involved in patterning in life and naturally observed phenomena . Together they seem to point to Survival as a "power" of being. Discussion of the remaining two aspects can be difficult but I am still learning and thinking. At last, my main concern is to know and have personal power to remain sane and wholesome throughout the perils of such economic and political life as we are now witnessing at present. Love and Regards.
Some deep scholarship here. Beautifully articulated. Lots to ponder.
The price of being authentic *to you*.
Many people go through life not feeling that they are hiding anything particular, that they are more or less “authentic” in all of their interactions.
In all likelihood, they *are* being authentic.
But for some of us, being our authentic selves involves, inadvertently, making others uncomfortable, and so it is riskier or more costly for us to be authentic.
So it is. Nobody ever promised us that being authentic would make us broadly palatable to the wider world. We express ourselves in this way because we cannot be any other way, and how we feel about what the world makes of us ought to be understood in this context.
If we are made uncomfortable because others find us uncomfortable, that is primarily our own cross to bear, our own issue to cope with—just as it is for everyone else, even if others feel it less acutely.
Who ever said that being our authentic selves would gain us acceptance in the world?
Some really great points here, Jean. Well said
Dude, my late friend Val who was, among many other things, a bike mechanic, had a business card made up that simply said VAL KLIETZ, INSTIGATOR. I think that's what folks like you and Val and me do, we instigate interaction and action of some form. We're a reminder that things are always changing and no one has it all figured out. And I think a lot of folks find that initially interesting but also kind of terrifying. Us mellow guys scare the hell out of some folks.
I hadn’t exactly thought of it that way. Makes sense. So interesting to ponder.
I am an ambivert as well. With me what you see is what you get. It is how I write
I can relate to a lot of what you wrote. Not everyone appreciate intensity or depth. Most people just aren’t prepared to them relating to others authentically. Sometimes, they get scared because they’re not used to that way of being with another person. People tend to have a lot of defenses. If you threaten that, even unintentionally, I find some will back off! They also don’t understand the inquisitiveness or the genuine curiosity about other people and what makes them tick.
I’ve been told I’m ‘different’ my entire life. I’ve had to learned to accept that it’s okay to be different. Not everyone has to understand.
19 Signs You Have an Intense Personality (+ Why it’s a Gift!)
https://lonerwolf.com/intense-personality/
You sound like more of an extrovert than myself who probably had your fair share of fascinating conversations with other people. I can only imagine! That sounds great! I’m sure people really enjoy connecting with you IRL as you come across as a warm and original person.
Thanks for sharing your experiences.
Back a long time ago we had no ice rinks in South Florida, but we did have roller skating rinks. Some of the devotees found pleasure in intricate footwork, dancing, and just generally being graceful. Others zipped around, finally unburdened from the limitation of advancing just two or three feet per step. Some aspired to be in either or both of the expert categories. And still others fell down frequently. Fortunately, I never permanently hurt myself. I imagine ice skating is much the same, with, perhaps, an additional aspect of just gliding contemplatively. I suspect that you enjoy all the modes, and maybe others I don't know of; with the exception of tumble mode--I think it would be hard to enjoy ice skating if that was the typical result.
HA! I loved roller skating as a kid. And then I played hockey and discovered how to ice skate. ⛸️ Being in a rink hearing my blades navigate the ice is for me the ultimate flow state.
Hockey! Of course. It should have occurred to me. So, with that, and with short-track speed skating, I guess tumble mode IS an attraction for some. There are more ways of forging close connections than deep thoughts deep into evening over deep cups. A sharp pruning saw on an inconvenient tree branch, when all the angles are just right, can produce a cadence not unlike sharp skate blades on fresh ice.
Or body checks into the boards! Now THAT’s close connection.
I enjoyed reading your comment above about the rinks in South Florida, Jackson. I’m no fan of tumble mode either—if I were meant to skate, I’m assuming I would have been born with wheels or blades on my feet.
When I approach strangers to talk to them (I like to do that,too) they usually have earbuds in and don’t respond. And I don’t like touching strangers
I just read Nan Tepper's essay from today titles "The New Kid on the Block" and about not fitting in, then and now. Your piece has a similar theme that I relate to. Several years ago in conversation with a friend I remember blurting, "I have zero tolerance for bull shit and unless people are willing and capable of going deep, not my people." I've learned it's simply who I am. And the older I get the more of myself I'm able to claim.
Good for you looking on the bright side - I just subscribed recently but am loving your posts :)
Glad to hear. Lots of great commentary headed your way so stay tuned.
I agree that most people aren’t ready for deep connection, especially with someone they just met. We are conditioned for the small talk and surface level connection as you so eloquently discuss, Diamond-Michael, and when you live from your soul and seek to connect with others on that level it can be frightening to those that are disconnected from their soul. Ahhh, how I wish there were coffee shops here in the Jamaican countryside where I might bump into souls like yours looking to connect more deeply than the weather and my story of how I got here. I see you, Diamond-Michael, and one of these days I hope the universe has in mind for us to meet in person and hold a reasoning as they say here in Jamaica. A deep bow of solidarity to you 🙏🩵
I resonate with much of this. I too crave depth, but most take refuge in the small talk. It’s a protective barrier because people don’t want to be challenged or walk into unknown territory. That takes precious energy that our brains want to conserve. Much easier to stay on autopilot. But in the words of Elizabeth Gilbert, if you’re not brave, your life will be smaller than you ever imagined. Keep being you. People need your help. I and your other kindreds appreciate you. ♥️
Dear DM, I had bookmarked your article to read it at a comfortable time and I am so glad I did now!
I loved your approach on asking the 4 questions even to strangers. What a great way conversation starter! Intent willing, it can almost invite 2 people to exchange thoughts for hours :-D
I also understand why it can be uncomfortable for many because it can push one to think beyond the humdrum of compliance that many of us resort to in our lives. Both people need to have done the level of reflective inner work to not feel threatened by the questions and share as way to express/learn from each other.
I wish you continue with the thought-provoking questions. In some corner of the world, it did invite me to ponder too :-) I wish you success on the path of meaningful and authentic connections!
Keep being YOU, Diamond-Michael Scott! From one nomad, ambivert, etc. to another - I SEE you. 🙏🏼