How to Win At Life By Letting Go of the (Inner) Fight

For years, I lived in the shadow of what I believed to be injustices done to me by those I once trusted—friends, colleagues, even loved ones.

I carried their perceived wrongs like stones in a satchel, believing that one day I would find closure by proving them wrong or, better yet, defeating them in some poetic cosmic reckoning. But what I failed to see then is that my obsession with “overcoming” others was not only exhausting me but also locking me in a battle I could never truly win.

It wasn’t until I turned to the wisdom of the I Ching that I began to see the deeper truth. The ancient text reminded me that life’s greatest victories come not from conquering others but from overcoming the storms within oneself.

As one translation of Hexagram 33: Retreat teaches, “The superior man keeps small men at a distance, not by showing hatred but by remaining inwardly clear.” I had to stop fixating on others and redirect my energy inward.

The Mirror of Loss

When relationships ended—whether through betrayal, misunderstanding, or quiet dissolution—I often felt an overwhelming sense of failure. I asked myself repeatedly, What did I do wrong? Why did they treat me this way?

My mind became a labyrinth of grievances, replaying conversations and imagining scenarios where I emerged triumphant. But these imagined victories brought me no peace.

In hindsight, I see that these endings were gifts. The friends and relationships I lamented losing were not taken from me; they simply no longer aligned with the path I was meant to walk. The Tao has a way of clearing space, often through uncomfortable means, to make room for what truly nourishes the soul.

The Inner Revolution

The turning point came during a meditation practice inspired by Hexagram 40: Deliverance. This hexagram speaks of liberation—not through external triumph but by releasing what no longer serves.

It dawned on me: I was chaining myself to the very people and events I sought freedom from. My anger, my need to be vindicated—these were the true captors, not the people I blamed.

I began the slow, deliberate work of turning inward. Instead of replaying the past, I asked myself, What wounds within me need healing? What stories am I telling myself about my worth?

The process was neither linear nor easy. Some days, the old patterns of resentment tugged at me like ocean waves. But as I practiced mindfulness and embraced the Taoist principle of wu wei—effortless action—I felt those waves receding.

The wisdom of the Tao teaches that true power lies not in domination but in harmony. When I released my need to prove others wrong, I found a deeper strength: the strength to sit with myself, to forgive, to let go. It wasn’t that I “won” against those who had wronged me. I simply stopped playing the game.

Beyond Victory

In time, I came to see that victory is not the goal; it is a byproduct of alignment with the Tao. Lao Tzu’s words echoed in my heart: “Those who overcome others have strength. Those who overcome themselves are powerful.” Power, I realized, is not about force but flow—about moving with life’s currents rather than resisting them.

Letting go of conflict allowed me to reclaim my energy. It also transformed my relationships, both with others and with myself.

I no longer felt the need to control or outwit anyone. I simply trusted the Tao to unfold as it would. The peace this brought me was worth more than any imagined vindication.

Lessons from the Tao

The I Ching and Taoism have taught me that every conflict, every ending, is an invitation to deepen our understanding of ourselves. When we focus on the inner work—healing, growing, aligning with the natural rhythms of life—we transcend the need for external victories.

In the end, those who I thought had wronged me were, perhaps unwittingly, helping me find my way back to myself.

For me, the question is no longer How do I overcome them? but How do I align with the Tao? And in that alignment, I’ve discovered a strength that no external battle could ever give me: the strength of peace, the power of letting go, and the joy of simply being.

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Much Love,

Diamond Michael Scott — aka The Chocolate Taoist