In 2019, my life took a sharp detour from romantic bliss to solo survival, trading shared sheets for the stiff seats of Lestat’s, a 24-hour coffeehouse on University Avenue in San Diego.
Thanks, Michael, for this very moving essay. It speaks volumes about your indomitable character and hope for a brighter future. I am privileged to know you not just as a Substack contact but as a “business” partner.
This is incredible. I know there is so much more to it, but I wonder about the lack of sleep more than anything else. Did you find other places to close your eyes? How must that have weighed on you?
Yes, I had intermittent opportunities to doze off for a moment or two but always feared getting caught which ran the risk of being kicked out.
Despite all of this, I recall remaining very calm and mindful of my surroundings. I would journal, move my legs often, and even listen to some upbeat music to keep my spirits high and moving.
The hardest periods were during the wee hours of the mornings when I was completely spent. Once I got to the 6:00 a.m. hour I was fine for the day, that is until I realized that I would soon have to endure another period of sleeplessness again that night.
I cannot imagine this night after night after night. I endured almost 4 years of extremely poor sleep after the birth of our second son, who essentially didn't sleep until he was 4. And by poor sleep, I mean that a good night was 4-5 hours. After the first couple of months, it didn't matter how much caffeine I guzzled down, I was essentially dysfunctional, and in a state of perpetual stress brought on by exhaustion. All I thought about, for years, was the next opportunity to close my eyes for a short while, even if it was only 20 minutes. And that was with the opportunity to nap, to go to my parents' house and crash now and then. All to say I am astounded at how you managed. Really. I can't overstate this.
I have been blessed with an unbelievable constitution my entire life with impeccable health.
Can’t explain it outside of the fact that I walk on average up to 12 miles a day, maintain very low stress levels, and keep a joyful mindset and spirit. Let’s call it pure grace.
First, I have to give thanks to @noha for reposting so that your work became visible to me in Notes.
Second: if it were not for your cover image of Lestats- I may not have ventured into this letter. It’s a hauntingly beautiful photo- did you take it? I am a fellow Lestats local- Tuesdays after work.
Lastly, I am so sorry, for the lack of compassion you were shown, and the absolute nightmare your waking hours (which seems like all your hours?) endured in that period of time.
Your writing is captivating, I felt I was “on the precipice of enlightenment” simply by reading.
WOW! So moved by your thoughts. Thank you for responding.
Yes, I did indeed take this picture with the thought of one day writing about what I experienced. While it was a grueling period of my life, I was able to come out of it with an indomitable will that continues to fuel my journey on a daily basis.
PS: Where in San Diego are you? I lived in South Park prior to my relationship ending which sent me into this spiral.
Wow, just…wow! There is so much more to this story—I hope we’ll get to hear more. Like James, I’m looking to forward to later this year when your book’s released. Thank you for the courage of your vulnerability.
Thanks, Michael, for this very moving essay. It speaks volumes about your indomitable character and hope for a brighter future. I am privileged to know you not just as a Substack contact but as a “business” partner.
Wow. Is your book on pre-order perhaps? Making a note in my calendar anyways.
This is incredible. I know there is so much more to it, but I wonder about the lack of sleep more than anything else. Did you find other places to close your eyes? How must that have weighed on you?
Yes, I had intermittent opportunities to doze off for a moment or two but always feared getting caught which ran the risk of being kicked out.
Despite all of this, I recall remaining very calm and mindful of my surroundings. I would journal, move my legs often, and even listen to some upbeat music to keep my spirits high and moving.
The hardest periods were during the wee hours of the mornings when I was completely spent. Once I got to the 6:00 a.m. hour I was fine for the day, that is until I realized that I would soon have to endure another period of sleeplessness again that night.
I cannot imagine this night after night after night. I endured almost 4 years of extremely poor sleep after the birth of our second son, who essentially didn't sleep until he was 4. And by poor sleep, I mean that a good night was 4-5 hours. After the first couple of months, it didn't matter how much caffeine I guzzled down, I was essentially dysfunctional, and in a state of perpetual stress brought on by exhaustion. All I thought about, for years, was the next opportunity to close my eyes for a short while, even if it was only 20 minutes. And that was with the opportunity to nap, to go to my parents' house and crash now and then. All to say I am astounded at how you managed. Really. I can't overstate this.
I have been blessed with an unbelievable constitution my entire life with impeccable health.
Can’t explain it outside of the fact that I walk on average up to 12 miles a day, maintain very low stress levels, and keep a joyful mindset and spirit. Let’s call it pure grace.
Truly amazing
Love this segment, Mike. Lestats is indeed a sanctuary for the underground. 😎🫶🏽
It truly is. One day I plan to walk in and hand the owner a $100.00 bill for all they did for me during that tough stretch I experienced.
A stellar idea and another shining example of the karmic tao you practice. :)
I actually need to do that too, for a few businesses that covered my ass in times of need.
First, I have to give thanks to @noha for reposting so that your work became visible to me in Notes.
Second: if it were not for your cover image of Lestats- I may not have ventured into this letter. It’s a hauntingly beautiful photo- did you take it? I am a fellow Lestats local- Tuesdays after work.
Lastly, I am so sorry, for the lack of compassion you were shown, and the absolute nightmare your waking hours (which seems like all your hours?) endured in that period of time.
Your writing is captivating, I felt I was “on the precipice of enlightenment” simply by reading.
Thank you for sharing your story with the world.
Xx
WOW! So moved by your thoughts. Thank you for responding.
Yes, I did indeed take this picture with the thought of one day writing about what I experienced. While it was a grueling period of my life, I was able to come out of it with an indomitable will that continues to fuel my journey on a daily basis.
PS: Where in San Diego are you? I lived in South Park prior to my relationship ending which sent me into this spiral.
I am equally as moved by both your words and photography skills!
I live in Ocean Beach/ Crown Pt area.
I am excited for your upcoming book!
I hope Lestats invites you for a reading, full circle moment- would love to come out & support.
Yes, OB!
And, you’re still standing (like the Elton John song lyrics). Bent but not broken.
Wow, just…wow! There is so much more to this story—I hope we’ll get to hear more. Like James, I’m looking to forward to later this year when your book’s released. Thank you for the courage of your vulnerability.