wow, this deeply talks to me!!! Such a synchronicity! I am just on my way to start writing about it. It's been more than ten years, but I recently realized how much I am still deeply wounded by this past relationship. In the aftermath, I chose to punish myself. I was so ashamed and mad at me. I could not find the teachings and I was so dead inside. We were doing our phd together. Our relationship was hidden. He was 20 years older than me, and I didn't know that at all. He looked so much younger. He was harassing me and I stayed silent, because he was liked by everyone, perceived as a really nice guy, a protector of women. For years, I could not even hear my voice in my head, I was just hearing his voice. That was so hard. The worse is that I think I really fell in love him, and I hated myself for that. For a long time, I was at war with myself and my body to not go back to him. And I lost trust in myself because of that. This year, he has started coming back to me. It's crazy each time he sent a message I was in a very low mood. It feels like he has a radar. I never answered, and I have no intention to do it. I just want to free myself from him, from the guilt and shame I carried since that relationship.
My experience felt similarly destructive which is why writing this piece was very cathartic. In a very odd twist, I discovered that she had been a free subscriber to my “Great Books, Great Minds” Substack since 2020.
And get this, the backend dashboard showed that she had opened up 100% of my over 600 articles. Despite knowing this, it wasn’t until a mere four months ago that I blocked and removed her and even felt a bit sad about doing so.
With respect to your point about your relationship partner having a radar, OMG.
She was a very empathic energy healer who could literally channel many of the thoughts that I had over the course of a day while I was away with extreme accuracy.
Lise, if you’re open to it, let’s discuss via DM. I wrote this article so that others who may be experiencing this don’t feel alone.
Yes, let’s. It’s arguably the most vulnerable piece I’ve ever written. And to think of how fearful and even a bit embarrassed I was to share this. I’ll DM you later today.
wow, this deeply talks to me!!! Such a synchronicity! I am just on my way to start writing about it. It's been more than ten years, but I recently realized how much I am still deeply wounded by this past relationship. In the aftermath, I chose to punish myself. I was so ashamed and mad at me. I could not find the teachings and I was so dead inside. We were doing our phd together. Our relationship was hidden. He was 20 years older than me, and I didn't know that at all. He looked so much younger. He was harassing me and I stayed silent, because he was liked by everyone, perceived as a really nice guy, a protector of women. For years, I could not even hear my voice in my head, I was just hearing his voice. That was so hard. The worse is that I think I really fell in love him, and I hated myself for that. For a long time, I was at war with myself and my body to not go back to him. And I lost trust in myself because of that. This year, he has started coming back to me. It's crazy each time he sent a message I was in a very low mood. It feels like he has a radar. I never answered, and I have no intention to do it. I just want to free myself from him, from the guilt and shame I carried since that relationship.
My experience felt similarly destructive which is why writing this piece was very cathartic. In a very odd twist, I discovered that she had been a free subscriber to my “Great Books, Great Minds” Substack since 2020.
And get this, the backend dashboard showed that she had opened up 100% of my over 600 articles. Despite knowing this, it wasn’t until a mere four months ago that I blocked and removed her and even felt a bit sad about doing so.
With respect to your point about your relationship partner having a radar, OMG.
She was a very empathic energy healer who could literally channel many of the thoughts that I had over the course of a day while I was away with extreme accuracy.
Lise, if you’re open to it, let’s discuss via DM. I wrote this article so that others who may be experiencing this don’t feel alone.
Yes, for the discussion, I think that could help. Thank you for sharing this piece. I am yearning to write mine now
Yes, let’s. It’s arguably the most vulnerable piece I’ve ever written. And to think of how fearful and even a bit embarrassed I was to share this. I’ll DM you later today.
I completely understand.