Thank you! Kudos to the white guy (smile) and you. When I hit the road over 40 years ago as a workplace trainer and consultant, my first gig was in a small town in Minnesota, a three-day retreat. I was asked to work with a group of social workers, teachers, and church women who were involved in a movement to support what were then called "displaced homeworkers" – divorced and widowed women who were left financially at sea without their husbands. This group found themselves at odds with the people who espoused a traditional culture in their community, which seemed to be convinced that women should not work outside the home and become independent. Like they should sit at home with their kids and starve? (So strange)
So I was there to teach about conflict management, negotiation, building coalitions, and a big dose of political savvy.
One of the women approached me the second day during a break. Told me how much everyone was enjoying the program. Then she said, "Okay Pat, we are all wondering. You said your maiden name is Wagner. So are you German Catholic or German Lutheran?"
"Oh, I said, "Actually, we are not sure why we ended up with the name Wagner, but my heritage is 100% Eastern European Jew. Both sides." (Since then I realized that Wagner is a great stealth name for a Jew. Learned a lot just listening.)
Silence.
The group reconvened. Word had spread. Very uncomfortable.
I had an inspiration.
"I am not an observant Jew, but I know stuff. I will assume that any question is asked with good intentions, regardless of the content. Do you have any questions?"
The first inquiry from this group of college-educated women:
"When did Jews stop using Christian babies in blood sacrifices?"
I explained about the Blood Libel and such. They nodded and thanked me. From then on, especially when I was presenting in small-town America, even though I identify as a grateful agnostic, I would work into the conversation that I was Jewish and that I did not consider any question anti-Semitic. Lots of interesting conversations resulted.
Even though I am no longer on the road, I still mention I am Jewish to open a door. I use the same strategy regarding my philosophical identity as a libertarian. Has also led to some interesting conversations.
So true! As a Christian, I love to hear people's stories and backgrounds! I find people fascinating, every one is so unique and incredibly complex, somehow reflecting God Himself. Being curious and asking genuine questions is a lost art, methinks, as is actively listening and thoughtfully considering what's being said.
Curiosity is key. When you approach difficult situations with curiosity, it immediately diffuses any tension. The more we share and learn about each other, the less fear and hate there will be. I am hopeful that if enough people can lead with curiosity, we can evolve and live in more peace and harmony.
Thank you! Kudos to the white guy (smile) and you. When I hit the road over 40 years ago as a workplace trainer and consultant, my first gig was in a small town in Minnesota, a three-day retreat. I was asked to work with a group of social workers, teachers, and church women who were involved in a movement to support what were then called "displaced homeworkers" – divorced and widowed women who were left financially at sea without their husbands. This group found themselves at odds with the people who espoused a traditional culture in their community, which seemed to be convinced that women should not work outside the home and become independent. Like they should sit at home with their kids and starve? (So strange)
So I was there to teach about conflict management, negotiation, building coalitions, and a big dose of political savvy.
One of the women approached me the second day during a break. Told me how much everyone was enjoying the program. Then she said, "Okay Pat, we are all wondering. You said your maiden name is Wagner. So are you German Catholic or German Lutheran?"
"Oh, I said, "Actually, we are not sure why we ended up with the name Wagner, but my heritage is 100% Eastern European Jew. Both sides." (Since then I realized that Wagner is a great stealth name for a Jew. Learned a lot just listening.)
Silence.
The group reconvened. Word had spread. Very uncomfortable.
I had an inspiration.
"I am not an observant Jew, but I know stuff. I will assume that any question is asked with good intentions, regardless of the content. Do you have any questions?"
The first inquiry from this group of college-educated women:
"When did Jews stop using Christian babies in blood sacrifices?"
I explained about the Blood Libel and such. They nodded and thanked me. From then on, especially when I was presenting in small-town America, even though I identify as a grateful agnostic, I would work into the conversation that I was Jewish and that I did not consider any question anti-Semitic. Lots of interesting conversations resulted.
Even though I am no longer on the road, I still mention I am Jewish to open a door. I use the same strategy regarding my philosophical identity as a libertarian. Has also led to some interesting conversations.
"asking questions and genuinely listening"
So true! As a Christian, I love to hear people's stories and backgrounds! I find people fascinating, every one is so unique and incredibly complex, somehow reflecting God Himself. Being curious and asking genuine questions is a lost art, methinks, as is actively listening and thoughtfully considering what's being said.
Yes, the stories! That’s where it’s at.
Curiosity is key. When you approach difficult situations with curiosity, it immediately diffuses any tension. The more we share and learn about each other, the less fear and hate there will be. I am hopeful that if enough people can lead with curiosity, we can evolve and live in more peace and harmony.
Love this Janine. Beautifully said.