The Uncomfortable Email I Received

Why I Am Embracing The Lesson

Recently, I received an email from a former client of mine who I took on last year because I was desperate for money.

Without getting too deep into the details, our engagement felt out of integrity for a host of reasons.

So I did nothing.

She requested a refund. I’ve now obliged, albeit reluctantly.

Reading her message stirred an old unease. The discomfort rose, like a faint echo of the reasons I had chosen to leave. For a brief moment, I felt that old pull to circle the drain, to become consumed by the thought of how she now perceives me, or her disappointment in me.

But instead of tightening my grip, I loosened it. I responded with a short email, written in integrity, without defensiveness or over-explaining. I pressed send and exhaled. The energy I had once wasted in people-pleasing dissolved into a quiet clarity.

The Shift in Perspective

For most of my life, I have been more afraid of disappointing others than disappointing myself. That has been my pattern, one of adjusting, placating, trying to ensure harmony even when it costs me my truth. But the deeper I journey inward, the more I recognize that my true expansion began the moment I allowed myself to risk being misunderstood. In the end I’m learning that the discomfort of disappointing someone else pales in comparison to the spiritual deadness of betraying oneself.

Gene Keys: The Gift of Discomfort

In the Gene Keys, discomfort is not an enemy but a threshold. What begins as a shadow, the restless impulse to avoid conflict or earn approval, can become the seed of transformation. By leaning into the discomfort rather than fleeing it, I touched the gift of Integrity.

The Gene Keys remind us that every challenge hides a higher frequency. The shadow of unease opened a doorway to the gift of inner alignment. Instead of reacting, I responded. Instead of appeasing, I stood. In that stillness, I felt the stirrings of expansion—the subtle sense that my soul was not collapsing inward, but stretching outward.

Taoist Simplicity

The Tao teaches that water flows without resistance, finding its way around stone without complaint. For years, I was like a river dammed by the expectations of others, pooling into stagnancy. Now, by letting go of the burden of approval, I return to flow.

Responding simply, without drama, without clinging is Tao in practice. No need to fight or justify. Integrity itself is enough.

I Ching: The Hexagram of Liberation

As I reflected afterward, the I Ching came to mind, specifically Hexagram 40, Deliverance. It speaks of release after tension, the clearing of obstacles, the freedom that arises when knots are untied.

That email was my Deliverance. Not because it changed her, but because it freed me. I had severed the knot of needing her understanding. I became no longer concerned about her expressed need for integrity in how all of this landed. Rather, it was about my willingness to stand whole and in integrity within myself.

The Quiet Power of Saying “No”

In our culture, much is made of the power of saying “yes.” But for me, the deeper power has come from saying “no.” A quiet, non-angry no. A no that honors my boundaries, my integrity, my energy.

This is not rebellion for its own sake. It is alignment. It is saying yes to my own soul by refusing to betray it for the comfort of another.

Living the Expansion

What I discovered in this moment is simple: expansion begins where self-betrayal ends. The more I practice this inner alignment over the approval of others, the lighter and more open I become.

The discomfort that once trapped me has become a compass. Each time I let go of the need to manage another’s disappointment, I reclaim a piece of myself. And in doing so, I step further into the spaciousness of a life lived in integrity.

My Poetic Words of Release

Her words arrived just as a reminder of why I walked away last year.

I could feel the old heat rise—

that tug to circle the drain,

to rehash the story in my head that I never shared with her,

to defend myself in silence.

But instead of spiraling,

I breathed.

I wrote back,

short, clear, in integrity.

Pressed send.

And walked on.

The Old Fear

For most of my life,

I have carried a heavy loyalty

to the expectations of others.

I have been more afraid

of disappointing them

than betraying myself.

It is a prison,

built not of stone

but of invisible bars forged from approval,

bars polished with politeness.

And yet,

every prison has a door.

Mine opened the moment I let go

of needing her understanding.

Gene Keys: The Gift Inside the Shadow

The Gene Keys whisper:

every shadow hides a gift.

Discomfort is not an enemy.

It is a threshold.

Cross it,

and integrity waits on the other side.

Her message was the trigger,

my response was the test.

I chose not to perform,

not to appease,

not to explain myself into oblivion.

I chose the gift.

And the gift gave me back

to myself.

Taoist Flow

The Tao does not argue.

It moves like water.

It bends.

It finds its way around rock,

never needing to prove itself.

That day I was water.

I did not dam myself with resentment.

I did not flood her with explanation.

I flowed around her words,

quiet, steady, free.

Integrity is not noise.

It is simplicity.

I Ching: Deliverance

The I Ching speaks of Liberation.

Hexagram 40—

when knots untie,

when tension clears,

when the storm has passed.

That email was my Deliverance.

Not because she shifted.

Not because she replied.

But because I no longer needed her to.

The release was mine.

The liberation was inward.

And it felt like air

finally moving through my lungs that had been holding it too long.

The Quiet Power of “No”

The world worships “yes.”

Say yes to opportunity.

Say yes to others.

Say yes to everything.

But expansion,

for me,

began with no.

No—quietly, firmly, without anger.

No that honors the boundary.

No that protects the flame.

No that refuses

to sell out my soul

for borrowed approval.

This is not rebellion.

This is alignment.

Expansion

Her words tried to pull me back.

But I no longer live there.

Expansion begins

where self-betrayal ends.

Every time I risk

disappointing someone else,

I recover a piece of myself.

The discomfort dissolves.

The prison door swings open.

And I walk out lighter,

stronger and free.