Not Yet
The I Ching of Restraint….and Finding Perfect Timing For Your Life
Hexagram 9 of the I Ching which is often translated as “Small Restraint” or “The Taming Power of the Small,” invites us to step back, quiet the impulse to rush, and work with the unseen forces that are already in motion. It speaks to the quiet gathering of strength, to patience as an active state rather than a passive one.
Restraint here isn’t about paralysis or fear; it’s about the inner confidence to know that the right moment is not dictated by external noise, but by the clarity of your own inner compass.
The Human Urge to Leap Without Looking
It’s part of our human wiring: when an opportunity appears, whether it be a promising relationship, a dream job, the chance to relocate, to often leap at it with little pause. We’ve all experienced situations where the possibility sparkles and we want to catch it before it disappears.
But Hexagram 9 reminds us that this urgency is often a mirage. Opportunities that are truly meant for us are rarely lost; they circle back when the timing is right. The wiser move is sometimes to step back, pause, and observe—not just the opportunity, but yourself.
When we restrain ourselves, we gain room to consider:
Is this opportunity aligned with my deeper values or only my immediate desires?
Am I pursuing it out of fear of missing out, or a genuine readiness to engage?
What is the broader landscape telling me?
The pause doesn’t kill momentum. Rather it can fine-tunes it.
The Value of Observation and Trusted Counsel
Pausing isn’t always comfortable, which is why so many of us skip it (I know that I do at times). But when you stop to survey the terrain, you see what isn’t obvious in motion. You notice currents, undercurrents, and the weather patterns of a situation.
Sometimes this observation comes through your own meditation, journaling, or quiet walks. Sometimes it’s a conversation with a trusted friend or partner—someone who can see from a vantage point you don’t have. They aren’t making the decision for you, but they help you hear your own inner guidance more clearly.
Restraint allows for fresh eyes, a new angle, and, in some cases, the grace to recognize that a “no” right now can mature into a “yes” that is far richer later.
Perfect Order in a Random World
Life may feel random, but there is a deep order humming beneath its apparent chaos. This paradox which can be viewed as the coexistence of randomness and perfect arrangement is something physicist Fritjof Capra touches on in his book The Tao of Physics.
In it draws parallels between modern physics and Eastern philosophy, showing that the universe is an interplay of dynamic patterns, always moving toward balance even when it appears unpredictable.
When we exercise restraint, we give ourselves a chance to align with this deeper order. We step out of the ego’s push for immediate resolution and allow the natural flow of the Tao to arrange the pieces in ways our rational minds could never orchestrate.
The Nevada Story: Saying “Not Yet”
In 1998, my brother invited me to move to Nevada and start a business with him. On paper, it was enticing in the sense that it would be a fresh start through an entrepreneurial venture and the chance to work with family.
But something in me whispered, Not yet. I couldn’t explain it logically. There was no dramatic obstacle, no crisis holding me back. Just an inner sensing that I wasn’t ready to make that leap.
So, I said no.
At the time, it felt like I might be missing my moment. Yet over the next two years, I grew in ways I didn’t anticipate—personally, spiritually, and professionally. By late 2000, I knew the time was right.
On January 1, 2001, I left Chicago on a frigid winter morning in my 1999 Honda Accord, packed to the gills with my belongings. The interstate 80 highway stretched ahead like a long ribbon of possibility. This time, there was no hesitation. The move wasn’t just a relocation but a deep alignment between my inner readiness and the outer opportunity.
Why Restraint Works
When we practice restraint in moments of decision:
We gather strength rather than disperse it.
We align timing with readiness.
We allow the Tao to weave the right connections, opportunities, and events together.
By holding back, we aren’t rejecting life. Instead we are engaging with it on a deeper level. We are choosing the quality of our yes over the speed of our yes.
Restraint as Active Trust
Trusting your inner guidance is not always glamorous. It may mean passing up a romantic relationship that looks ideal on the surface, because you sense an undercurrent of misalignment. It may mean declining a high-paying job offer because you feel the culture will drain your spirit. It may mean staying where you are geographically for another season until the pull becomes undeniable.
This is not stalling out of fear. It is cultivating readiness. In Taoist terms, it is the principle of wu wei, effortless action, where what you do arises naturally from a deep accord with the moment.
The Small That Shapes the Great
Hexagram 9 reminds us that the “small” act of restraint—just a pause, a delay, a holding back—can shape the “great” trajectory of our lives. Every decision carries momentum, and those taken in alignment with inner truth carry far greater power than those made from haste.
The landscape changes when we stop to truly see it. And in that seeing, we discover that perfect order is not something we impose on the world; it is something we tune ourselves to.
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Stay unpredictable,
Diamond Michael Scott — The Chocolate Taoist
