My Taoist Sage In Disguise

The Woman Who Quietly Inspired My Path to an Uncommon Life

In the early nineties, my days as a healthcare administrator felt like I was running on an unstoppable treadmill. Admittedly, I was striving for a success defined by others while barely holding onto my own sense of self.

My weekend mornings at the Starbucks in Wheaton, Illinois, however, offered a welcome reprieveI. There, I often found myself in quiet contemplation over a latte. It was during one of these mornings that I encountered a woman who became an unexpected muse—a catalyst for rethinking my trajectory. She was around forty, blond, bespectacled, and radiated an intellectual charm.

Her presence was a paradox: both approachable and fiercely independent. She’d settle into a corner with her journal and a stack of books, often engaging me in flirty, spirited conversations that cut through my midwestern politeness with a sharp, refreshing edge.

She was adamant about her autonomy, unapologetically vocal about never wanting to marry, and resolute in maintaining a three-pronged life path that struck me as both unconventional and utterly magnetic.

By day, she worked at Barnes & Noble; during her breaks and lunch she read and wrote at Starbucks; and by night, she served tables at one of Naperville’s finest pizza restaurants.

It wasn’t just her words or lifestyle that struck a chord with me—it was the conviction behind them.

At that time, I was balancing the pressures of a demanding career and the emotional weight of tending to my mother during her final battle with a rare form of cancer. My life was tethered to duty, driven by expectations, and drained of joy.

I couldn’t articulate it then, but this woman’s presence illuminated the path not taken—the road of self-determination, simplicity, and mindful choice.

Taoist Wisdom in the Starbucks Glow

There’s a passage in the Tao Te Ching that says, “Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.” She always seemed to embody a freedom from external validation.

Her life, while modest in material terms, was rich in authenticity. She wasn’t chasing wealth, prestige, or anyone else’s idea of success. Instead, she focused on what brought her alive: books, writing, and meaningful work.

This struck me because, at the time, I was utterly ensnared by what I thought I “should” do. My career, my ambitions—they were all external scaffolding, built to impress but devoid of an inner foundation.

Her lifestyle revealed to me the Taoist principle of wu wei—effortless action in harmony with one’s true nature. She didn’t strive or hustle in the conventional sense. She simply lived in a way that reflected her values.

Taoism teaches that when we align with our nature, life flows like water, bending around obstacles rather than resisting them. In contrast, my life felt like an upstream battle, forcing outcomes that didn’t align with my heart.

Recognizing What to Ignore

She also taught me the art of knowing what to ignore—a skill I now realize is central to living a fulfilling life. At the time, I couldn’t imagine saying “no” to the endless demands placed on me, whether by my job, family, or society’s expectations. But she seemed to do so effortlessly. She knew what she didn’t want, and because of that, she could fully embrace what she did want.

Taoist wisdom reminds us that the path becomes clearer when we eliminate the noise. In my conversations with her, I began to see that my struggle wasn’t just about saying no to others; it was about saying no to the parts of myself that were clinging to approval, security, and a narrow definition of success.

When we don’t know what we truly want, we default to wanting what others want for us. It’s a form of self-abandonment that leads to a life of quiet desperation.

Faking It No More

As I reflected on her unapologetic way of living, I realized I had been faking my way through life, playing a role that felt increasingly hollow. Taoism speaks to the danger of “carving too much,” shaping ourselves into unnatural forms to fit societal molds.

I began to realize that I could only fool myself for so long. Beneath the surface of my carefully constructed life was a quiet yearning to live in accordance with my true self, even if it meant economic uncertainty or stepping into the unknown.

Over time, this muse’s example planted seeds that would eventually grow into the life I live today. Her defiance of convention became a mirror for my own longing to break free. It wasn’t immediate—change never is. But her presence showed me what was possible: a life not of compromise but of alignment.

Living an Uncommon Life

Fast forward to now, and the life I lead bears little resemblance to the one I lived then. Like her, I’ve chosen an uncommon path, defined by a singular focus on what truly matters to me.

I’ve learned to say no to what doesn’t serve my purpose and to embrace a life direction that aligns with my heart. The fears that once held me back—economic uncertainty, others’ judgments, the discomfort of stepping outside the norm—no longer dictate my choices.

Taoist wisdom teaches us to be the master of our own domain, to trust that the Tao will support us when we act in harmony with it. By focusing on what I truly value—writing, teaching, and sharing insights—I’ve found a sense of freedom and fulfillment that I never imagined possible during those evenings at Starbucks.

What the Bhagavad Gita Would Say

The Bhagavad Gita, a set of Hindu scriptures, offers a parallel insight: “It is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else’s life with perfection.”

This echoes the lesson I learned from her. She wasn’t perfect, and neither am I. But she was true to herself, and that truth resonated with me deeply.

Both the Gita and Taoism emphasize the importance of following your dharma—your true purpose or path. This requires letting go of the ego’s need for approval, control, and certainty.

The Gita also reminds us that we are not entitled to the fruits of our actions, only to the actions themselves. Living authentically, then, is not about achieving a specific outcome but about embodying our truth in each moment.

The blond, bespectacled woman at Starbucks likely has no idea how profoundly she influenced my life. Her defiant independence, her embrace of an unconventional path, and her quiet joy in the small, meaningful rhythms of her days all served as a silent call to action. She taught me that life’s richest rewards come not from conforming to expectations but from daring to live in alignment with who we truly are.

Her presence helped me see that the life I wanted was not out there, waiting to be achieved, but within me, waiting to be uncovered. And so, as I sip my own dirty chai’s now, decades later, I raise my cup to her—a muse, a mirror, and a Taoist sage in disguise.

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Much Love,

Diamond Michael Scott — aka The Chocolate Taoist