The text message came late, the kind of awakening that steals your breath away and sends you spiraling into a state of disbelief. It revealed that someone who I had gotten to know on a very raw, personal level as a friend had passed away. Sadly, it was likely the result of suicide.
For me, her journey on earth offered a sobering look at the dark side of life, a life filled with power, deception, complexity, indiscretion, mystery, nefariousness, and intrigue.
In writing this piece, I began reflecting on the first time I met her. I had just moved to Denver and was introduced to her by the Executive Director of a civic event I was attending. Given that she was the only other Black person in the room amid a sea of over 300 attendees I’m guessing he felt that there would be some mutual camaraderie in the two of us meeting.
As we shook hands she exuded an energy that was cold, haughty, standoffish and intimidating. Yet her physical presence was illuminating, so blindingly beautiful that it made me want to pursue her — not in the hopes of any romantic interest but to understand the backstory of her lived experiences.
In time, I discovered that she was a force of nature. High fashion, mensa intelligent, with a degree from an Ivy League university. As a civic leader and entrepreneur in Denver, she was wildly successful and endlessly charismatic.
Yet beneath that dazzling exterior was a woman of extraordinary complexity. She could be sweet, manipulative, and terse all at once, a blend of light and shadow that left you both entranced and wary.
Our conversations were long and deep, often wandering into the darkest corners of her soul. She spoke of her successes and failures, her loves and betrayals. And I sensed that she was deeply conflicted about her sexual identity.
The fact that she was such a stunning-looking Black woman with a bold, no-holds-barred presence made her both friend and foe to others.
Many were jealous of her. Others worshiped her. From our visits, often at a fancy coffee house or a high end restaurant for lunch, she could be a diva, at times cruel to the wait staff and demanding in terms of what she wanted to order. But she also had a big charitable heart and wanted to feel acknowledged and loved.
In many ways, I would best describe her life as a series of contradictions, a dance on the edge of a razor sharp blade.
Through our encounters, I saw the embodiment of a tortured soul, someone living on the precipice of her own undoing.
Her death brought to mind the teachings of Taoism and Buddhism, philosophies that have long offered solace and understanding to the complexities of life and death. Taoism speaks of the balance between light and dark, the yin and the yang. It teaches that life is a series of cycles, an ever-flowing river of change.
My friend's life was a vivid example of this balance. She was light and dark, joy and sorrow, love and pain. The Taoist sage would say that she was living the way of nature, embodying the fullness of existence in all its contradictions. Her passing, though tragic, was another turn in the cycle, a return to the source.
Buddhism, on the other hand, offers a different perspective. It teaches that life is suffering, that our attachments and desires lead us to pain. My friend's life was marked by intense desire, an unquenchable thirst for success, love, and validation. She achieved so much, yet it seemed never enough to fill the void within her.
The Buddha would have seen her suffering as a mirror of the human condition, a poignant reminder of the impermanence of all things. Her death, in this light, is a release from the cycle of samsara, a return to a state of peace and non-suffering.
Comparing her story to that of the heroine in the book "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo," I find striking parallels. Both women were fierce, intelligent, and deeply complex. Both lived lives filled with intrigue and danger, marked by their ability to navigate and manipulate the world around them.
But where the book’s heroine Lisbeth Salander’s story is one of uncovering dark secrets and seeking justice, my friend's story was one of battling her own inner demons, a struggle that ultimately led to her undoing.
In the end, her life and death remind me of the impermanence and interconnectedness that both Taoism and Buddhism speak of. My friend was a vivid illustration of the human condition, a unique mosaic of light and dark. Her beauty and brilliance were matched by her complexity and darkness, creating a life that was as captivating as it was tragic.
As I reflect on her life, I find solace in the teachings of the East. Taoism's acceptance of the natural flow of life and Buddhism's path to enlightenment through the acknowledgment of suffering both offer a framework to understand and find peace with her passing. Her journey was hers alone, a unique blend of triumph and tragedy that will forever be a part of the narrative of my own life.
Her story is a reminder that we all carry our own burdens, our own shadows. It is a call to live fully, to embrace both the light and the dark within us. For in the end, it is this dance between the two that makes us truly human.
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I am so sorry, Diamond-Michael. What a beautiful tribute to her.